I was reading some Facebook posts
recently and was dismayed by the generalized, sweeping comments about groups of
people when someone is not in agreement with that group. Rather than ignoring the
feelings this brought out in me, I decided to put my thoughts to good use in a
blog post about respectful disagreement.
We don’t all agree on everything. There, I said it! You know what, it’s perfectly fine that we do not agree when communicating with others: often disagreements are what broaden our world. Is there a way to disagree more respectfully? I think the following tips will help anyone who is interested in respectful disagreement.
- Avoid making it personal. If you are upset about something someone has done or said, try to take the personal feelings out of it and remember that you are mad at the idea the person is raising (not the person).
- Use “I” statements. When communicating how you feel, avoid using “you” statements. For example, telling someone you are not comfortable being pressured for a decision can be stated as, “I am feeling pressure to make a decision about something I am not ready to move on at this time. Can we please shelf this until later?”
- Do not put down someone else’s ideas and beliefs. Resisting the temptation to berate someone or make derogatory comments will help you get your point across instead of making someone so mad they are unable to hear your argument.
- Use respectful language and tone. Our use of language not only affects the way we view ourselves, but the way others see us. Consider putting those good manners our families taught us to good use.
- Listen to the other point of view. By listening to every possible side of the story, not only are you more educated about a certain topic, but you can better defend your stance as well.
- Remain calm. It isn't easy trying to keep negative emotions under control during a disagreement. Our fight-or-flight instincts flare, as we impose our will over the other person or give up and leave the discussion. Having a disagreement with someone can be a healthy way to a solution if everyone is able to remain calm.
- Make it a habit. The more often we are respectful in our disagreements; the more it becomes a habit. As agreeable interactions become natural, the more frequent they will occur.
Everyone involved benefits from the positive outcomes associated with being respectful when we disagree.
Peace to you and yours -
Jackie
