I'm With Her

My politics are progressive and I am a feminist. I love Bernie Sanders and the progressive economic agenda. I am extremely excited about our progressive movement – what an amazing group of energized people working together to advance our shared ideas!

Unfortunately, I get a lot of nastiness when I share that I am a Hillary Clinton supporter, which I have been surprised and hurt by. I’ve had friends, colleagues and family members question my progressive values. Some have resorted to trolling my social media accounts instead of connecting with me personally. As a person who is comfortable with the uncomfortable, I am doing my best to learn from this process while avoiding being angry. Some days it’s not easy, but I keep plugging along because it’s imperative we come together if we truly want to make progressive change.

So, how do we include and inspire others to join the progressive movement? Here’s what I’m working on and I invite you to join me (I am far from perfect, so please note that mistakes will be made).  

How can we be more inclusive while advocating for a progressive political agenda?

Be mindful of the language we use.

Language has power, so let’s educate ourselves and do our best to use non-discriminatory language. If you find that someone is using bigoted language, kindly point out their error without attacking the person and making folks feel like they are “bad” – focus on the behavior, not the person. It may be tempting, but do your best to not reflect negative behavior back by using bullying language. Instead, reinforce positive behavior to help build confidence. As the old expression goes… You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

Have issues-based conversations with friends who are interested.

Invading someone’s personal space by making a rude comment isn’t the way to engage people and get them to change their minds (I have done this and immediately felt guilty… there was a reason I felt that way – I was being a bully – not proud of this BTW).

Use humor.

If tension is high, make a joke to lighten the mood. It gives folks time to take a breath and relax a bit. There are pitfalls to using humor, such as the use of insensitive or hurtful jokes. For example, if someone has recently died humor is not an option. Yes, it was too soon.

What’s the difference between Being Sassy and Being Rude?

Being funny or irreverent about an issue can be effective when you are seen as bold and confident; however, when paired with harmful adjectives those attempts to engage backfire. An example is calling out elected officials using a bit of sass versus hurtful adjectives:

Creating space for others.

For me, leadership is about intentionally creating the space for others to thrive and to shine. It’s beautiful when someone shows that you are valued by leveraging power and privilege to create space. It’s easier to come to consensus with someone who values what you have to offer, even when they don’t agree with you.

There’s plenty more where that came from, friends.

Peace to you and yours –

Jackie

Consent

I never imagined I would share such an intimate snapshot of my life with everyone.

Why was I crying when Vice President Joe Biden spoke at the Oscars last night? Weeping through the impassioned cry of Lady Gaga.

You see, there’s this little voice in my head nagging me to be brave and frankly, I am sick and tired of ignoring her. She warns me that I must accept that some will be critical… judge me… think less of me. Many see me as a woman full of courage and strength. I have worked hard for you to see that… I’ve been hiding parts of me.

I am taking down this wall of shame brick by humiliating brick and it begins with memories I cannot escape.

I’m waking-up. There are noises around me: music, laughter. It’s dark, hot. Laughter, whispers…

“Feel it, she’s wet. She likes it.”

My head is fuzzy. Why am I lying down? What’s going on?

A masculine voice says, “Go ahead, feel it…”

Two hands are touching my vagina. There is a finger inside of me.

More laughter. “Quiet, she’s waking up.” Another finger is inside me.

Am I imagining this? Why are they touching me? Jesus! Get up! I can’t move… so groggy.

I don’t know how long I was on that bed on the second level of a house in a small town in Wisconsin. I remember that “friends” were driving around and we decided to stop at one of their houses because no adults were home. We were sneaking things not legal for us to have.

I was 17.

Shattered… Confused… Embarrassed… Ashamed.

I blocked it out.

I did not tell.

Such a wholesome, strong, capable girl would never LET that happen.

We cannot continue blaming people who have been sexually assaulted. 

We cannot continue to let them blame themselves.

I cannot continue to blame myself.

I did not consent.

Empathy... Leading to Compassion... Leading to Altruism

We often confuse empathy with pity, sympathy, and even compassion. They are different; the former are reactions to the plight of others.

For example, pity is a feeling of discomfort at another's distress and often has condescending overtones, while sympathy is a feeling of concern for someone accompanied by a wish that the person be happier. Sympathy entails a more profound personal engagement than pity; however, does not involve shared emotions. On the other hand, compassion is more engaged than empathy, and is associated with an active desire to alleviate another's suffering.

With empathy, we share emotions; with compassion we not only share emotions but also elevate them into a universal and transcending experience. Compassion, which builds upon empathy, is one of the main motivators of altruism (selfless concern for the well-being of others).

Adapted from Heaven and Hell: The Psychology of the Emotions by Neel Burton

Focusing more effort on possessing empathy by placing ourselves in "someone else's shoes" and attempting to understand how others feel, will help us form more compassionate responses to the suffering of others and may lead us down the path of altruism.

Moreover, offering genuine empathy... leading to compassion... leading to altruism can bring needed change to our shared world.

Peace to you and yours - Jackie

Season's Greetings

Season’s greetings from mild-weathered Minneapolis, which seems to be the only place in the U.S. where climate change is producing LESS volatile weather patterns. We were blessed with another mild summer and a long, pleasant autumn. We will see if the pattern continues in 2016.

Our 2015 had a somber beginning with the January passing of James’ Grampa Orwig. He was an ever-flowing river of physical, moral, and intellectual vitality, and we were blessed to have been able to enjoy some of his 95 years with him. His passing came months after his 2nd daughter Elizabeth concluded her long battle with MS. Grampa’s memorial service in June in Kentucky was a wonderful opportunity for the extended family to gather, celebrate, support, and grow together again. 

Our summer was marked with multiple adventures. In Kentucky we hiked Indian Fort Mountain with family, then hiked 9 subterranean miles in Mammoth Cave National Park. We enjoyed great weather for our week in Michigan, but our BIG adventure was driving to Maine to explore Acadia National Park for two days with Kurt, Catherine, and Rachel Schmidt. The long drive east included passing through Toronto and more significant stops in Montreal and Quebec City. Acadia was an understated delight, seeing the sights, climbing the granite, tasting the treats, and communing with the Schmidts. The route home included rural roads in New Hampshire, watching the Perseid Meteor Shower in Killington, VT, and visiting Joanna, Michael, and Sophia Daeschner in Rochester, NY.  If the climax of the return voyage was our visit to Niagara Falls, then the denouement was the night at the waterpark in Ohio. The 11-day odyssey marked the first time any of us had driven from our home to one of the coasts, and it was a powerful experience to stand atop Cadillac Mountain, surveying the Atlantic, before pointing our vehicle West for the voyage home.

Sixth-grader Katie collected many new experiences this year. Early in the year she had a role in a local theater production, then had her first (mind-blowing) opportunity to ski in the Rocky Mountains. Katie took golf lessons during the summer, developing a nice swing in the process. This fall she started middle school (loves it) and ran on the cross-country team (wow!). Add in 2 weeks at Camp Miniwanca during the summer and Katie had a year full of adventures and growth!

Second-grader Preston has been flexing his academic and athletic muscles, showing an aptitude for learning in both arenas. His league sports are baseball, soccer, and (for the first time) basketball, with skiing, golf, and tennis filling spare time. His reading level has been impressive this year, as has his growth as a swimmer (special thanks to Grandad, Cousin Neil and the hotel pool in Kentucky!).  

Jackie's increasing interest in public policy drove much of her activity during the year. She is administrating several social media accounts (including her own) and has built some stature within the progressive networks in Minnesota. She also decided to re-enter the workforce and accepted a non-profit role as Director of Communications for EVOLVE Adoption & Family Services.

James turned 40 and was talked into playing in several soccer matches with old teammates despite retiring from the game 5 years ago. It was fun, but his body didn’t seem to enjoy the experience as much as he did. He reveled in the family summer adventures before experiencing some professional upheaval as Ecolab cut back on innovation plans. While his period as a free agent has been a period of intense learning, networking, and exploration, even the luster of less-frequent face-shaving is wearing off. With a job offer on the table at the time of this writing, James is confident he’ll be sinking his teeth into new professional challenges soon. He’ll also be finalizing our plans for a trip to the Grand Canyon this summer!  

We wish you a joyous holiday season and a 2016 full of faith, wonder, and contentment. 

Blessings of peace to you and yours ~ The Craig Family

     

The Holidays are Going to Hurt

Because love does not end with death, we feel pain. Pain and grief are a natural part of life: a sane response to the physical loss of losing someone we love. The pain makes perfect sense and the holidays are going to hurt. 

Grieving is a very personal experience and there is no "normal" timeframe for grieving. It's important to allow ourselves time to process feelings naturally. The reality of pain cares nothing for order or stages, even though it's commonly referred to as stages of grief. Loss is painful and messy. Please do not use stages to dictate if you are "grieving correctly" or not.

When coping with sudden death or lengthy grieving, expect to feel depressed. Those feelings may wax and wane over time and are normal responses to extremely stressful situations, they are not personal flaws. Many find solace in developing a network of supportive friends and companions. However, if we continually avoid support and disconnect or isolate ourselves, we may be heading towards major depression. 

Important Note: If you have previously struggled with depression, the death of someone close to you may bring depression to the foreground. Complicated grief can be so persistent and complex that it lasts for years. Anytime you experience thoughts of suicide, or become unable to complete basic daily routines, please seek professional help. 

Is there a way to make the holidays work?

People who love us are going to want to create a special holiday; however, often what others think is needed can be overwhelming. We need to give ourselves permission to say, "No." It's important to check in with ourselves often and if leaving a gathering is helpful, we can simply leave. 

Support one another.

Empathy and compassion may help reduce suffering by opening us to the healing and growth personal connections can bring. It's important for us to honor the pain we are experiencing. Hear each other. Don't try to fix. Let each other cry and be in the moment with each other. 

Blessings of peace to you and yours - 

Jackie

Blocked By My Minnesota Senator

As a citizen who cares deeply about the future our children face, I actively engage with political representatives both locally and nationally. I am especially motivated to communicate with those who represent me. It's my pleasure to share that most representatives, even if they disagree with my politics, are at minimum polite and responsive (often dismissive, but I'll take it).

You can imagine my feelings when I discovered that my Facebook friend, Dan Hall, blocked me on Twitter (insert sad face here). I don't actively engage with Senator Hall on Twitter, so I am left wondering why he'd be bothered enough to block my ability to read and respond to his posts. I guess dissent is not allowed in District 56... And here I thought constituent engagement was a good thing.

Being a curious soul, I thought it would be helpful to look at our past in person interactions to see if I had done something to upset him enough to block a constituent. 

All I can think of was an office visit to discuss environmental legislation this past session. Several of his constituents joined me in asking him to be more responsible with our precious environment by supporting forward-thinking legislation. The most interesting part of the visit, in my opinion, was Mr. Hall's initial assumption that the group of informed and concerned citizens in front of him were lobbying folks without connections to his district. Here's how it went down.

Mr. Hall greeted us with a smile as we made our way to a small conference room. The friendly welcome was appreciated because speaking out can be intimidating. A few of us shared our concerns about the health of our environment and what improvements we were there to support. Senator Hall's smile morphed into a sneer as he inquired where one of the speakers was from. From the look on his face, it seemed Mr. Hall was surprised, but not delighted, to be speaking with a constituent from his district in that moment. He then ask us to raise our hands if we were his constituents. When most of the group raised their hands proudly, Senator Hall's face fell. He composed himself, made small talk, congratulated us for taking time to visit, and took our information. He posed for a photo and became my Facebook friend after this meeting, so I'm guessing this is not the cause of me being blocked. 

Lest Mr. Hall feel targeted, we also stopped by Representative Roz Peterson's office that day. She invited us into her office with a friendly smile (much appreciated). She listened as we shared concerns about environmental legislation not being effective at protecting our shared resources for future generations. Mrs. Peterson then explained that our environmental standards would be a tough sell to businesses. I suggested that Minnesota businesses could be environmental leaders, elevating our state's reputation and desirability. Yet another of my representatives' faces fell. She argued that business interests were not in line with tougher environmental legislation. Again, I combatted the premise that Minnesota business leaders could be champions instead of blockers of environmental protections. Representative Peterson then suggested that we speak to Pat Garafalo about environmental legislation (pretty certain owning a Tesla does not make one the go to environmental rep, but okay). I've been quite vocal about my disappointment with Representative Peterson's votes since that visit and she hasn't blocked me. Shoot, her political strategist and husband even follow me on Twitter. 

So, what could it be that pushed Senator Hall to block this constituent? Maybe it's because I recently took a stand to support Planned Parenthood because there's a bunch of lies being spread about their services and funding. I certainly owe them a lot for the healthcare they provided me as a young woman lacking financial means to pay out of pocket. 

Checkout these screenshots of Mr. Hall's Twitter account and decide for yourself why a vocal constituent like myself would earn a block. 

Peace to you and yours (and even Dan Hall) - Jackie

Journey to an Inclusive, Supportive, and Loving Community

It is beautiful witnessing the moral emotions of community members and our natural instincts to protect family. We all witness examples of time and effort gifted to those we consider part of our inner circle, which ultimately strengthens our connections.

Our challenge is to broaden our reach by harnessing these collective emotions to evoke action for the greater good and thereby strengthening community connections. 

To conquer this challenge we must start seeing our community as our family, so the gifts and protections we share are inclusive and love abounds.

Let us join together to discard our judgements and prejudices, while understanding how history impacts current realities. There is power in owning and learning from past mistakes. 

This challenge is one of many on our lifelong journey to shape an inclusive, supportive, and loving community. I look forward to sharing this challenging journey with you. Please tune in and engage mindfully. 

Peace to you and yours - Jackie