Kind Words

Last night we were dining out in Saint Paul and noticed a couple with two young children seated nearby. The little ones were sweet and not overly loud, with smiles on their faces the whole time. Of course, they required attention because that is one thing you can always count on children to need. The father was shushing them throughout the meal and seemed worried about disrupting others dining around them. I sensed the mother becoming stressed toward the end of their meal as the youngest (probably around 14 months) was getting restless and needed to move out of her seat. Having been in that situation and knowing how uncomfortable it can be, I decided a few kind words might be appreciated. I approached their table with a smile and shared that I found their children delightful and very well behaved and went immediately back to my seat. I could literally see the tension leave the mother’s body as she breathed out and her shoulders became more relaxed.

Using kind words:

• If you are complimenting someone, be specific. For example, I love that blouse on you. It complements your eyes beautifully.
• Use genuine words and expressions – people can sense when you are not sincere.
• When complimenting a stranger, be succinct – offer kind words and get back to what you were doing.

 Receiving kind words:

• Be grateful when someone offers you a compliment. It is kind to let folks know you welcome being appreciated.
• Avoid rejecting the compliment or downplaying kindness. (Example of what NOT to do – A friend complimented me on my hair and instead of simply being thankful, I couldn’t stop myself from rambling on about how I was not happy with the color.)
• When someone offers you kind words, offer some back if warranted.

How have you used kind words today?

Peace to you and yours - Jackie

Romance – Holding Hands

Do you remember the feelings teenage you had when holding hands with someone you cared about romantically? The first time a boyfriend held my hand with affection (and continued holding it when his friends were around) was certainly a big deal to me. Truthfully, it still is. I welcome my husband showing affection with a simple and loving gesture such as holding my hand. It is especially nice when being introduced to friends and colleagues because it communicates our relationship without words.

Men are not the only ones who can show support and caring by taking their partners’ hands. For example, I tend to be extroverted (understatement of the week) and find that in certain social situations taking my husband’s hand is a gesture of support he appreciates.  

TIP - To avoid getting your feelings hurt or creating an awkward situation, it is wise to communicate your level of comfort with holding hands in public. It is important to respect each other’s feelings about public displays of affection. There is usually a middle ground both parties will find comfortable.

Romantic benefits of holding hands:

• It can be a subtle form of sensual physical intimacy.
• It gives us a sense of protection and safety.
• It expresses closeness and comfort.
• It has the connotation of a committed connection between two people.

Non-romantic benefits of holding hands:

• Holding hands with a parent, grandparent or child shares that you value her/him and are present in that moment with him/her.
• It can send the message that someone you care about is accepted and is not alone.
• Holding hands fulfills a basic human need for touch and can reduce stress. 

When was the last time you held hands romantically with your partner? When was the last time you held your parent or grandparent’s hand to show how much you care?

Peace to you and yours - Jackie

Family Finances - Budgeting

Ask any couple what they fight about most often and chances are the answer is money. Because we all have differing values about money, it is hard to get on the same page. Many of us have been taught that discussing money is somehow inappropriate, which doesn’t encourage financial communication. Some feel budgeting will cause too many restrictions and limitations, taking away pleasures they have become accustom to (I fall into that category). The reality is that a budget promotes more freedom through focus on priorities your family has agreed are most important. Our favorite budget item is travel, so we make it a priority when planning each year.

Suggestions for creating a family budget:

• Discuss creating a budget with your partner and set clear priorities for your family.
• Put it on paper - Google “monthly budget planner” for free templates.
• TIP: Suze Orman offers a helpful monthly expense calculator.
• Track expenses on a monthly basis – check in each week to stay on track.
• Remember to include the following: housing, transportation, household/utilities, food, education, medical/health, clothes, personal/leisure, debt, giving and savings.
• Give your budget time to work – we continue working bugs out of our system even though we have been budgeting religiously for five years.

On a personal note, the most difficult part for us has been coming to an agreement about budget priorities. For example, I enjoy spending on entertainment (gals nights out are the best) and my hubby would prefer a glass of wine at home versus spending money on it while dining out. Balancing our needs as individuals who are in a committed relationship is a work in progress. We are far from perfect, but I believe we are on the right track.

What steps are you taking to keep the financial side of your relationship healthy?  

Peace to you and yours - Jackie

Mine and Ours – The Kitchen

As I loaded the dishwasher three times this weekend I was thinking about why I am the only person in my family who knows how to load it. I had to step back and take a look at the situation and myself. Guess what I discovered (and it’s not the first time I have noticed this about myself)? I’ve been causing the issue due to the “mom’s kitchen” vibes I’ve been sending out for the past seven years.

This got me thinking about how I could turn it around and save my children from being clueless in the kitchen as adults:

• I need to be more flexible and let my family members figure out ways to contribute without hovering and nagging.
• Who cares if the plates are in the dishwasher a different way than I want them? (Me, but I am working to remedy that.)
• I am doing my best to use “us language” instead of making possessive statements about areas of our home. 
• For example, “Get out of my kitchen while the oven is open.” could be “Please leave the kitchen while the oven is open because it is very hot and I don’t want you to get hurt.”
• Starting with small tasks is helpful. Letting my family help with table setting and dinner prep, not to mention cleanup is good bonding time (as long as I can refrain from bossing them around).

Simply put, I need to be less possessive about the kitchen space in our home to allow my family to grow. What areas of your home are you possessive with and is there anything you’d like to change about that?

Peace to you and yours - Jackie