Because love does not end with death, we feel pain. Pain and grief are a natural part of life: a sane response to the physical loss of losing someone we love. The pain makes perfect sense and the holidays are going to hurt.
Grieving is a very personal experience and there is no "normal" timeframe for grieving. It's important to allow ourselves time to process feelings naturally. The reality of pain cares nothing for order or stages, even though it's commonly referred to as stages of grief. Loss is painful and messy. Please do not use stages to dictate if you are "grieving correctly" or not.
When coping with sudden death or lengthy grieving, expect to feel depressed. Those feelings may wax and wane over time and are normal responses to extremely stressful situations, they are not personal flaws. Many find solace in developing a network of supportive friends and companions. However, if we continually avoid support and disconnect or isolate ourselves, we may be heading towards major depression.
Important Note: If you have previously struggled with depression, the death of someone close to you may bring depression to the foreground. Complicated grief can be so persistent and complex that it lasts for years. Anytime you experience thoughts of suicide, or become unable to complete basic daily routines, please seek professional help.
Is there a way to make the holidays work?
People who love us are going to want to create a special holiday; however, often what others think is needed can be overwhelming. We need to give ourselves permission to say, "No." It's important to check in with ourselves often and if leaving a gathering is helpful, we can simply leave.
Support one another.
Empathy and compassion may help reduce suffering by opening us to the healing and growth personal connections can bring. It's important for us to honor the pain we are experiencing. Hear each other. Don't try to fix. Let each other cry and be in the moment with each other.
Blessings of peace to you and yours -
Jackie
