I'm With Her

My politics are progressive and I am a feminist. I love Bernie Sanders and the progressive economic agenda. I am extremely excited about our progressive movement – what an amazing group of energized people working together to advance our shared ideas!

Unfortunately, I get a lot of nastiness when I share that I am a Hillary Clinton supporter, which I have been surprised and hurt by. I’ve had friends, colleagues and family members question my progressive values. Some have resorted to trolling my social media accounts instead of connecting with me personally. As a person who is comfortable with the uncomfortable, I am doing my best to learn from this process while avoiding being angry. Some days it’s not easy, but I keep plugging along because it’s imperative we come together if we truly want to make progressive change.

So, how do we include and inspire others to join the progressive movement? Here’s what I’m working on and I invite you to join me (I am far from perfect, so please note that mistakes will be made).  

How can we be more inclusive while advocating for a progressive political agenda?

Be mindful of the language we use.

Language has power, so let’s educate ourselves and do our best to use non-discriminatory language. If you find that someone is using bigoted language, kindly point out their error without attacking the person and making folks feel like they are “bad” – focus on the behavior, not the person. It may be tempting, but do your best to not reflect negative behavior back by using bullying language. Instead, reinforce positive behavior to help build confidence. As the old expression goes… You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

Have issues-based conversations with friends who are interested.

Invading someone’s personal space by making a rude comment isn’t the way to engage people and get them to change their minds (I have done this and immediately felt guilty… there was a reason I felt that way – I was being a bully – not proud of this BTW).

Use humor.

If tension is high, make a joke to lighten the mood. It gives folks time to take a breath and relax a bit. There are pitfalls to using humor, such as the use of insensitive or hurtful jokes. For example, if someone has recently died humor is not an option. Yes, it was too soon.

What’s the difference between Being Sassy and Being Rude?

Being funny or irreverent about an issue can be effective when you are seen as bold and confident; however, when paired with harmful adjectives those attempts to engage backfire. An example is calling out elected officials using a bit of sass versus hurtful adjectives:

Creating space for others.

For me, leadership is about intentionally creating the space for others to thrive and to shine. It’s beautiful when someone shows that you are valued by leveraging power and privilege to create space. It’s easier to come to consensus with someone who values what you have to offer, even when they don’t agree with you.

There’s plenty more where that came from, friends.

Peace to you and yours –

Jackie

Consent

I never imagined I would share such an intimate snapshot of my life with everyone.

Why was I crying when Vice President Joe Biden spoke at the Oscars last night? Weeping through the impassioned cry of Lady Gaga.

You see, there’s this little voice in my head nagging me to be brave and frankly, I am sick and tired of ignoring her. She warns me that I must accept that some will be critical… judge me… think less of me. Many see me as a woman full of courage and strength. I have worked hard for you to see that… I’ve been hiding parts of me.

I am taking down this wall of shame brick by humiliating brick and it begins with memories I cannot escape.

I’m waking-up. There are noises around me: music, laughter. It’s dark, hot. Laughter, whispers…

“Feel it, she’s wet. She likes it.”

My head is fuzzy. Why am I lying down? What’s going on?

A masculine voice says, “Go ahead, feel it…”

Two hands are touching my vagina. There is a finger inside of me.

More laughter. “Quiet, she’s waking up.” Another finger is inside me.

Am I imagining this? Why are they touching me? Jesus! Get up! I can’t move… so groggy.

I don’t know how long I was on that bed on the second level of a house in a small town in Wisconsin. I remember that “friends” were driving around and we decided to stop at one of their houses because no adults were home. We were sneaking things not legal for us to have.

I was 17.

Shattered… Confused… Embarrassed… Ashamed.

I blocked it out.

I did not tell.

Such a wholesome, strong, capable girl would never LET that happen.

We cannot continue blaming people who have been sexually assaulted. 

We cannot continue to let them blame themselves.

I cannot continue to blame myself.

I did not consent.

Empathy... Leading to Compassion... Leading to Altruism

We often confuse empathy with pity, sympathy, and even compassion. They are different; the former are reactions to the plight of others.

For example, pity is a feeling of discomfort at another's distress and often has condescending overtones, while sympathy is a feeling of concern for someone accompanied by a wish that the person be happier. Sympathy entails a more profound personal engagement than pity; however, does not involve shared emotions. On the other hand, compassion is more engaged than empathy, and is associated with an active desire to alleviate another's suffering.

With empathy, we share emotions; with compassion we not only share emotions but also elevate them into a universal and transcending experience. Compassion, which builds upon empathy, is one of the main motivators of altruism (selfless concern for the well-being of others).

Adapted from Heaven and Hell: The Psychology of the Emotions by Neel Burton

Focusing more effort on possessing empathy by placing ourselves in "someone else's shoes" and attempting to understand how others feel, will help us form more compassionate responses to the suffering of others and may lead us down the path of altruism.

Moreover, offering genuine empathy... leading to compassion... leading to altruism can bring needed change to our shared world.

Peace to you and yours - Jackie