Respectful Disagreement

I was reading some Facebook posts recently and was dismayed by the generalized, sweeping comments about groups of people when someone is not in agreement with that group. Rather than ignoring the feelings this brought out in me, I decided to put my thoughts to good use in a blog post about respectful disagreement.

We don’t all agree on everything. There, I said it! You know what, it’s perfectly fine that we do not agree when communicating with others: often disagreements are what broaden our world. Is there a way to disagree more respectfully? I think the following tips will help anyone who is interested in respectful disagreement.

• Avoid making it personal. If you are upset about something someone has done or said, try to take the personal feelings out of it and remember that you are mad at the idea the person is raising (not the person).

• Use “I” statements. When communicating how you feel, avoid using “you” statements. For example, telling someone you are not comfortable being pressured for a decision can be stated as, “I am feeling pressure to make a decision about something I am not ready to move on at this time. Can we please shelf this until later?”  

• Do not put down someone else’s ideas and beliefs. Resisting the temptation to berate someone or make derogatory comments will help you get your point across instead of making someone so mad they are unable to hear your argument.

• Use respectful language and tone. Our use of language not only affects the way we view ourselves, but the way others see us. Consider putting those good manners our families taught us to good use.

• Listen to the other point of view. By listening to every possible side of the story, not only are you more educated about a certain topic, but you can better defend your stance as well.

• Remain calm. It isn't easy trying to keep negative emotions under control during a disagreement. Our fight-or-flight instincts flare, as we impose our will over the other person or give up and leave the discussion. Having a disagreement with someone can be a healthy way to a solution if everyone is able to remain calm.

• Make it a habit. The more often we are respectful in our disagreements; the more it becomes a habit. As agreeable interactions become natural, the more frequent they will occur.

Everyone involved benefits from the positive outcomes associated with being respectful when we disagree.

Peace to you and yours - Jackie

Liking Yourself

I was thinking about what I like about myself and what traits I am working to improve. What are the common threads that have added to my self-esteem? What I have found – is the more I care about others; the more I care about myself.

Think about a person whose personality appeals to you. Someone you find very likeable. What do you like most about this person? I’d be willing to bet that it isn't physical appearance or achievements, but rather the way he or she treats others.

If it’s a healthy self-esteem you desire, treat others well. The way you treat others makes you likable, even to yourself.

If there is something you’d like to improve about yourself, take baby steps to make changes. It’s healthy to make adjustments and grow… just be certain to like yourself along the way.

And remember, the more you care about others the more you'll be able to care about yourself. 

Peace to you and yours - Jackie

Networking Tips

One of the best networkers I have ever met happens to be my husband, James. I asked him to share a couple tips for networking success, so here they are:

1. Be brave! Networking can be intimidating because often you are asking someone for something precious: his or her time.
2. Always conclude a meeting by asking the person whom else they think you should talk to. This may lead to your next opportunity.

Remember - Networking is about building relationships with people who will be happy to tell others about who you are and what you do.

Avoid a common oversight – Be certain to follow up!

Send an email, text or note to thank your contact for their time. If you have a connection for your contact, share this information. Be sure to follow up on the leads provided to you. Then you can follow up AGAIN by sharing how that meeting went with your initial contact.

Peace to you and yours - Jackie

Seizing Opportunities

This week I had the honor of speaking at the Kickapoo High School National Honor Society banquet. The topic I presented was seizing opportunities to accomplish the things that you desire most. I decided to recycle some of the presentation for my blog, so here it goes.

To find those things you most desire, I have included a short exercise. The results of this exercise change over time, so I suggest doing this with yourself whenever you are working on personal goals.

Exercise:

Imagine that I have a magic wand. This magic wand removes all kinds of barriers – money, family, peer pressure, education and all other expectations. Any barriers that pop into your head are completely washed away with this magic wand.

• Think about something you’d love to be, or do with your life. 
• Remember, the magic wand removes all barriers; this can be something out of your wildest dreams.
• This should also be something that brings you great joy and a sense of accomplishment.  
• Think to yourself about this wonderful thing you would like to be, or do with your life.
• What specific steps can you take to get there?

You know what’s interesting about most of those barriers that we come up with inside our heads, those barriers the magic wand removed. By far the greatest barrier most of us have against achieving our goals is not in determining what inspires and creates passion in our lives, but rather our unwillingness to get out of our own way.

To help you get out of your own way, I’d like to share 8 keys to capitalize on opportunities:

1. Take 100 percent responsibility for your life - Do not give away your power to someone or something other than yourself.
2. Live your life with purpose - Do what you believe you were put here to do.
3. Be willing to pay the price for your dreams - Successful people find out what it's going to cost to make their dreams come true. Then they find a way to make it happen. Most importantly, they don't complain about the work it takes to achieve their dreams.
4. Stay focused - Every day we’re bombarded with hundreds of tasks, messages and people all competing for our time. This is why the ability to focus on your goals is so critical to achieving those goals. Focusing requires giving up some things in the present because you know the time invested will pay off big-time down the road.
5. Networking - One of the quickest ways to become successful is to find out what the best are doing and learn from them. Finding and nurturing a mentoring relationship and making time to connect with people in your field is a monumentally valuable use of your time and efforts. It’s also one of the best ways to get interviews.
6. Write out a plan for achieving your goals - Writing an action plan for how you're going to achieve your goals is one of the best ways to achieve those goals. Plus, it helps you remain focused.   
7. Never give up - It may sound simple, even obvious, but when you're truly committed to achieving your goals, giving up isn't even an option. You must be willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen. Certainly, you re-evaluate and modify goals, but NEVER GIVE UP!
8. Go after what you want NOW - Top achievers know they don’t have forever, but rather than seeing it as something negative or depressing, they use it to spur them on to go after what they want as energetically and as passionately as possible. 

(Adapted from 8 Success Secrets from Motivational Experts by Michael Jeffreys, May 2003.)

Having had the pleasure of working with the only blind man to summit Mount Everest, Erik Weihenmayer, I have come to a more clear understanding about genuinely eradicating barriers to achieve your goals. Although climbing Mount Everest may not be your dream, there are and will continue to be dreams and goals that seem like mountains to you. I’d like to remind you to SEIZE THE OPPORTUNITIES that will aid you in climbing your personal mountains to make your dreams come true. Achieve your most prized goals.

And remember, opportunities come in many different forms: networking, jobs, volunteering, arts, athletics, and leadership. The list goes on and on. Keep imagining what you most desire (remember to use that “magic wand” to remove the barriers in your path). Then put steps in place to achieve your goals.

Your ability to recognize, cultivate and capitalize on opportunities will blaze the trail to your future.

Peace to you and yours - Jackie

Motivating Yourself

The topic of motivation is hitting close to home for me, especially considering I would like to blog at least once each month and have yet to write a blog for March. After a bit of reflection, I noticed an error (or two) in my blogging plan. I forgot to take some important steps. I created a goal – to start a blog, but did not set specific goals that were clear, achievable and would help me remain focused.

My new plan:

• Write down clear, enjoyable goals that I really want to achieve.
• Keep goals specific and include action steps to help avoid procrastination.
• Commit to my goals while remaining flexible.
• Changes happen that we cannot control, what we can control is how we deal with those changes. Allow room in my plan for the unexpected without letting myself be sidetracked from writing.  
• Add social pressure and positive influences.
• Communicate plans to someone who will hold me accountable in a helpful, non-judgmental way.
• Schedule time in an environment conducive to accomplishment.
• Create a comfortable space and avoid excessive interruption. Add dates and reminders to my calendar.
• Revisit my goals to evaluate progress.
• Ensure I remain on the right track and that my goals are realistic. Learn from mistakes and celebrate progress.

Here’s my favorite tip to avoid overwhelming myself: K.I.S.S. – Keep It Simple Sweetie!

Peace to you and yours - Jackie

Kind Words

Last night we were dining out in Saint Paul and noticed a couple with two young children seated nearby. The little ones were sweet and not overly loud, with smiles on their faces the whole time. Of course, they required attention because that is one thing you can always count on children to need. The father was shushing them throughout the meal and seemed worried about disrupting others dining around them. I sensed the mother becoming stressed toward the end of their meal as the youngest (probably around 14 months) was getting restless and needed to move out of her seat. Having been in that situation and knowing how uncomfortable it can be, I decided a few kind words might be appreciated. I approached their table with a smile and shared that I found their children delightful and very well behaved and went immediately back to my seat. I could literally see the tension leave the mother’s body as she breathed out and her shoulders became more relaxed.

Using kind words:

• If you are complimenting someone, be specific. For example, I love that blouse on you. It complements your eyes beautifully.
• Use genuine words and expressions – people can sense when you are not sincere.
• When complimenting a stranger, be succinct – offer kind words and get back to what you were doing.

 Receiving kind words:

• Be grateful when someone offers you a compliment. It is kind to let folks know you welcome being appreciated.
• Avoid rejecting the compliment or downplaying kindness. (Example of what NOT to do – A friend complimented me on my hair and instead of simply being thankful, I couldn’t stop myself from rambling on about how I was not happy with the color.)
• When someone offers you kind words, offer some back if warranted.

How have you used kind words today?

Peace to you and yours - Jackie