Why I Do Not Agree With Drug Testing Safety Net Program Recipients

I am about to share the true story of part of my childhood to help people understand who has the potential for "paying" for the very real challenges some adults face. This is one of the many reasons I do not support drug testing for families who rely on safety net programs. Please open your hearts and minds.

My mother and stepdad brought two wonderful babies into the world 35 years ago. Mom delivered the twins naturally (they were over 8 pounds each, mind you) and breastfed them in a spectacular fashion (sorry, no photos of that). See how adorable!

Thanks to Mom, those girls were well fed!

My stepdad suffered with PTSD from serving as a Marine in Vietnam (he was 19). He struggled with substances and other issues that I won't detail here. Addiction, when untreated, can have terrible effects on families. 

My family was struggling to make ends meet and needed to use safety nets provided by our government to sustain us. I am not exaggerating to share that we sometimes only had peanut butter and saltines to eat. Even as we started to make ends meet, we received government cheese, powdered milk, and other supplies that helped stretch our family funds.

This was us back in "the day."

Was it just that we were able to use food stamps while my stepdad was struggling with addiction? I argue that it most certainly was. He paid a high price for serving our country and I argue that it is imperative that we support all of our veterans (sorry for my little side-rant). 

I remember the feeling of walking down to the local grocery store with funny looking money to bring groceries home. It was embarrassing to not have "real" money, but I was hungry. Thank you to our government for not making me go without food and for keeping me healthy when my family was struggling. We may have fallen on tough times, but we survived. I won't even go into the details of how White Privilege helped (how about that... side-rant avoided). 

Peace to you and yours - Jackie

Human Beings Are Not Disposable

Admittedly, my sense of humor has a broad range; however, my comfort threshold becomes less lenient when communication implies that there are human beings who are disposable. 

Disposable humans because they lack knowledge, are hateful... are different in some way than you or me. No human, no matter how far they differ in opinion, culture, or any other factor is disposable. 

Picture from - TheHumanityProject.com

As a society, we can do much better (myself included) if we remind ourselves of this before we "rage" against a person instead of an idea we disagree with. 

Being passionate about a cause, no matter how just the cause, is not an excuse to attack another human. Attack the idea, share your frustration through humor and other means of communication you are comfortable with.

I challenge myself and others to disagree respectfully. Humans have plenty in common, even as we disagree on multiple issues. For me, the real challenge will be doing so while preserving my healthy sense of humor. 

Peace to you and yours - Jackie

Avoiding Gossip on a Work Team

Have you ever noticed that when you have not put enough time and energy into communicating properly, gossip tends to circulate? I’m not talking about the type of gossip where someone is being unkind behind your back. The type of gossip I am writing about is:  communication about others involving unverified details. This kind of gossip often happens on work teams when communication is lacking, when conflict arises or when there’s a power struggle.

What makes avoiding this type of gossip so tough?

• When a team has not established clear decision-making and communication protocol, gossip often “fills in the cracks”, especially when frustration or misunderstandings occur.
• Most of us talk an issue through with a trusted person before bringing it to another person.
• Make sure the person you are engaging with is removed enough from the situation to avoid poisoning a work team.
• The fact is, gossip can often be about things that matter and should be addressed. 
• Finding the appropriate venue of communication, using a direct and candid approach is most beneficial.

Why avoid gossip on a work team?

• Gossip can wreak havoc on morale and productivity.
• Gossip can cause resentment and become a barrier to effective communication and teamwork.

Helpful tips to avoid gossip on your team:

• Establish clear expectations regarding decision-making and communication protocol.
• Communicate fully and clearly on a regular basis with those who depend on you for information and/or results.
• Encourage people to go directly to the person impacted by the issue they are discussing with you.
• This is helpful when you are not an involved party or the person has skipped a step in protocol.

Consistently in this blog, I research and write about personal development. The issue of work team gossip is a communication delicacy each of us face and I am no stranger to both sides of it. It's my hope that sharing my ongoing efforts to make self-improvements will also benefit others with similar ambitions.

Peace to you and yours - Jackie

Communicating Your Message

Have you ever sent a message only to find out it was received completely the opposite of your intent? Lately, I have done that and it can be embarrassing, not to mention quite frustrating. I thought it would be a great time to brush up on my communication skills. Hopefully these tips will be helpful to you, as well.

Thinking about your message:

1. Be certain the message is true and well reasoned.
2. Substantiate the message using solid logic that is specific, consistent, clear and accurate.

Writing your message:

1. Condense communication to essential facts.
2. Put it into a form the receiver can understand.
3. Once the message is received and understood, a comprehensive discussion begins.

Sending your message:

• Create clear communication channels.
• Must be understood and supported by the entire organization.
• Be certain all pertinent information is included each time you communicate.
• Continue to remain concise.
• Select the right communication medium.
• This influences the effectiveness of a message.

It helps to make the communication about others:

• Avoid making it about you (your opinions, your positions or your circumstances).
• Address the audience’s needs.
• Show understanding for their concerns and add value to their world.

Peace to you and yours - Jackie

Leadership Success

I believe successful leaders create positive change by helping people see what is achievable and working with them to get there. I am continuously working on my leadership skills and have a few tips to share (as a review for myself, as well).

Understanding & Valuing Roles 

• Each team member needs to understand his or her role in upholding your mission. 
• Value and show appreciation for the roles others play in the organization.

Managing as a Team 

• Management needs to build on each other’s strengths, while communicating respectfully and honestly. 
• The ability to challenge one another requires trust, and when done appropriately produces excellent outcomes.

Open Communication 

• Opportunities for sharing ideas need to be accessible for all team members to be involved. 
• True open communication requires that people feel safe when making their ideas known. 
• Everybody needs to trust they will be heard.

Avoid Micromanaging 

• Build agreement of what equals success. 
• Be sure team members understand their roles and have the right tools to conduct their duties. 
• Focus on results, not how they were achieved. 
• It’s not about doing it your way, but about successful completion of the task. 
• Ask for and be open to feedback, so you can regulate your level of assistance.

Fix What Needs Fixing, Not What Works 

• If something truly works, leave it alone. 
• Focus on the things that are not working. 

When it comes to advice about successful leadership, there are many theories and opinions that are beneficial. Please share yours!

Peace to you and yours - Jackie

Respectful Disagreement

I was reading some Facebook posts recently and was dismayed by the generalized, sweeping comments about groups of people when someone is not in agreement with that group. Rather than ignoring the feelings this brought out in me, I decided to put my thoughts to good use in a blog post about respectful disagreement.

We don’t all agree on everything. There, I said it! You know what, it’s perfectly fine that we do not agree when communicating with others: often disagreements are what broaden our world. Is there a way to disagree more respectfully? I think the following tips will help anyone who is interested in respectful disagreement.

• Avoid making it personal. If you are upset about something someone has done or said, try to take the personal feelings out of it and remember that you are mad at the idea the person is raising (not the person).

• Use “I” statements. When communicating how you feel, avoid using “you” statements. For example, telling someone you are not comfortable being pressured for a decision can be stated as, “I am feeling pressure to make a decision about something I am not ready to move on at this time. Can we please shelf this until later?”  

• Do not put down someone else’s ideas and beliefs. Resisting the temptation to berate someone or make derogatory comments will help you get your point across instead of making someone so mad they are unable to hear your argument.

• Use respectful language and tone. Our use of language not only affects the way we view ourselves, but the way others see us. Consider putting those good manners our families taught us to good use.

• Listen to the other point of view. By listening to every possible side of the story, not only are you more educated about a certain topic, but you can better defend your stance as well.

• Remain calm. It isn't easy trying to keep negative emotions under control during a disagreement. Our fight-or-flight instincts flare, as we impose our will over the other person or give up and leave the discussion. Having a disagreement with someone can be a healthy way to a solution if everyone is able to remain calm.

• Make it a habit. The more often we are respectful in our disagreements; the more it becomes a habit. As agreeable interactions become natural, the more frequent they will occur.

Everyone involved benefits from the positive outcomes associated with being respectful when we disagree.

Peace to you and yours - Jackie